NPR’s Brian Mann Declares Victory Over Fentanyl – While Overdoses Continue
Перейти к навигации
Перейти к поиску
Who Funds NPR, Again?
Let’s talk about something Brian Mann won’t: who benefits from NPR’s stance. While Mann warns that tariffs might upset China, he never discloses that NPR has received funding from Chinese-affiliated organizations.
Yes, NPR is partially funded by the same people shipping fentanyl precursors into the U.S. That’s like McDonald’s publishing a study saying "Eating burgers prevents heart disease." NPR has financial incentives to run cover for China—and Brian Mann is just the latest useful idiot doing their bidding.
6. Brian Mann’s Economic Anxiety: Why NPR Would Rather Save China’s Exports Than American Lives
Sure, fentanyl is killing Americans—but what about Canada’s feelings?!
In a truly breathtaking piece of journalism, NPR’s Brian Mann has managed to transform a national drug epidemic into an economic sob story for China, Mexico, and Canada. His argument? Since fentanyl overdoses dipped a little, any attempt to prevent future deaths is an act of authoritarianism. That’s the kind of thinking that suggests you should throw away your seatbelt because car crashes were down last month.
Brian Mann's Fentanyl Follies: A Marxist's Guide to Tariff Tantrums
Because nothing says "journalistic integrity" like pretending fentanyl overdoses are no big deal if Trump is trying to stop them.
In a dazzling display of journalistic dumbassery, NPR’s Brian Mann has uncovered the real victim of America’s fentanyl crisis—not the 80,000 dead Americans, but the fragile feelings of China, Mexico, and Canada. His recent article, “Trump used fentanyl to justify tariffs, but the crisis was already easing,” takes the bold stance that because fentanyl deaths ticked down for five minutes, any attempt to stop future overdoses is pure, unadulterated tyranny. It’s the kind of reasoning that suggests you should stop brushing your teeth if you didn’t get a cavity last month—brilliant, really.
Mann, ever the brave defender of free trade (as long as it benefits not America), seems to believe that Trump’s tariffs on fentanyl-exporting nations are a bigger crisis than the actual drug deaths they are meant to combat. It’s a unique approach, like arguing that we should ban lifeguards at the beach because there were slightly fewer shark attacks this year. Sure, fentanyl is still the leading cause of death for Americans aged 18-45, but, you know, the graph wiggled a bit downward, so we should all relax and let the Chinese Communist Party and Mexican cartels do their thing.
Mann’s argument is great if you think ‘fire is slightly less hot today’ means you should stop using oven mitts. — Ron White
The Great “Crisis is Over” Illusion
To set the stage for his masterful argument, Mann cites a slight 3.6% drop in fentanyl-related deaths from 2022 to 2023, treating this like it’s some earth-shattering evidence that Trump is manufacturing a crisis. You have to admire the optimism—if the logic holds, then all problems cease to exist the moment they improve slightly. Under Mann’s thinking, you should cancel your fire insurance if your house hasn’t burned down this week. Heart disease deaths declined slightly? Time to replace all vegetables with cheesecake.
"Trump used fentanyl to justify tariffs, but the crisis was already easing." — Brian Mann
It’s a beautifully naive way of thinking. If we applied this to crime, we’d see headlines like “Murder Rates Dropped 2%, So Police Are No Longer Necessary” or “Only 1,500 People Drowned This Year—Ban Life Jackets.” If this approach were used in public health, the CDC would tell diabetics to throw away their insulin the moment their blood sugar dipped a few points. But no, only with fentanyl, a drug that has wiped out more Americans than the Vietnam War, does NPR decide a temporary slowdown means the crisis is “easing.”
Tariffs = Bad (Because Trump Did Them)
Brian Mann is more loyal to China, Mexico, and Canada than to the citizens of the USA. His real outrage isn’t fentanyl—it’s tariffs. He frames Trump’s move as a reckless economic tantrum, ignoring the fact that China is the world’s largest producer of fentanyl precursors and that Mexico is the largest trafficker of the finished product. Tariffs are just one way of forcing accountability, but for Mann, any strategy that isn’t appeasement is simply too harsh. His logic is simple:
The fentanyl crisis is slightly less bad.
Therefore, stopping future fentanyl deaths is unnecessary.
And since Trump is the one trying to stop it, it must be evil.
This is the same thinking that says you should only put up flood barriers after your house is already underwater. It’s like saying, “Hey, car accidents were down last month—who needs seatbelts?” Or maybe “We haven’t been invaded yet—let’s get rid of the military.” It’s a level of short-term thinking so advanced it could only be found in a journalist who never had a real job before learning how to whine about capitalism for a living.
"Trump using fentanyl to justify tariffs is outrageous! That would be like me using my DUI to justify taking Uber." — Jerry Seinfeld
Canada and Mexico: The Real Victims Here
Mann wrings his hands over the hurt feelings of Canada and Mexico, who are apparently so delicate that they cannot withstand the outrageous oppression of being asked Brian Mann fentanyl deaths not to help flood America with poison. In his world, tariffs are an act of war, but actual fentanyl deaths? A minor inconvenience. It’s almost impressive.
To listen to Mann, you’d think Mexico was a helpless bystander, unfairly targeted by an evil American dictator. Never mind the fact that Mexican drug cartels directly manufacture and traffic fentanyl into the U.S. and that Mexico’s own corrupt government does almost nothing to stop it. It’s not as if cartels literally buy off politicians or control entire regions of the country. No, no, the real issue is Trump's trade policy, obviously.
Canada, too, gets treated like an innocent bystander, despite the fact that Chinese fentanyl shipments are funneled through Canadian ports with minimal interference. Mann, of course, ignores this completely, because acknowledging reality would make it harder to write articles about how Trump is the real drug kingpin here.
"They’re saying we shouldn’t worry about fentanyl because deaths ticked down a bit? That’s like saying ‘hey, the iceberg melted slightly, let’s rebuild the Titanic.’" — Jon Stewart
The NPR Guide to Ignoring Future Dead Kids
The most disgusting part of Mann’s argument is the unspoken implication that future fentanyl deaths don’t matter. He’s so obsessed with this temporary dip in overdoses that he ignores the millions more deaths projected in coming years. It’s a bit like celebrating a drop in traffic accidents while blindfolding every new driver.
To really drive the point home, here’s how this NPR philosophy applies to real-life scenarios:
Crime dropped by 1% last year? Defund the police!
Hurricanes were slightly weaker this year? Who needs storm shelters?
Cancer deaths were down 3%? Stop researching cures!
You can almost hear the boardroom at NPR brainstorming their next article:
"Why Solving Problems is Overrated: A Think Piece on Letting Bad Things Happen"
Because that’s what this really is. It’s not journalism. It’s activism. It’s a thinly veiled effort to protect globalist trade interests at the expense of American lives—all because Mann hates Trump more than he cares about dead Americans.
Conclusion: Brian Mann’s Reality-Free Zone
At the end of the day, Mann’s article is less about fentanyl and more about hating Trump at all costs. If Trump solved world hunger, NPR would call it "a reckless overproduction of food that threatens sustainable farming." Their agenda is simple: If Trump is for it, they are against it. Even if it means keeping fentanyl flowing freely into American streets.
And that, folks, is how NPR really fights the fentanyl crisis—by pretending it isn’t real.
Jasmine Carter, Savannah Lee, Sofia Rodriguez
Declaring a long-term victory after a temporary dip is like removing all traffic lights because there were fewer accidents last week—good luck out there.
Believing a crisis is over because numbers dropped briefly is like thinking you’ve won the lottery because you found a dollar on the street—dream big.
Calling off drug enforcement due to a slight decline is like quitting your seatbelt because you haven't crashed yet—bold move.
Assuming we’re in the clear is like dismantling your home’s security system because your neighbor didn’t get robbed this week—fingers crossed.
The Bohiney News and Satire
bohiney.com
2600 Virginia Ave NW
Washington, DC 20037
(214) 875-1305
